This Page

has been moved to new address


Sorry for inconvenience...

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
English Muse: Fog

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


Ryan McGinley, Kate Moss, W

There's something I haven't told you, not in awhile anyway. My father is still very sick. Everyday, it seems, brings a new setback. I know this is part of life, but it doesn't make the fact that we're losing him any easier. I'm exhausted in a way that no amount of sleep can fix. This blog and the comments from the lovely people who read it keep me going...I just wanted you to know. Thank you.

Photo credit: Ryan McGinley, Kate Moss, W Magazine.


Blogger Bambola said...

That's awful.

Nothing I could say would make it easier, or better. But I hope you are ok, and find the strength to make it through.

July 9, 2009 at 1:18 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Tina, I'm so very sorry! It must be one of the hardest journeys to take in life.
All the very best to you and your Dad.xx

July 9, 2009 at 1:19 AM  
Blogger kerri nĂ­ dochartaigh said...

i am sending you huge love and hugs darling. i hope you and your family are as ok as you can be at the minute. you are in my thoughts. xxx

July 9, 2009 at 1:21 AM  
Blogger SHOKOOFEH said...

I am asking God for his health and for your power...

the world is not perfect Tina, not perfect in our way. the world is not enough, not enough for big loves...

I'm thinking of you and your very dear father, I am thinking that nothing is more beautiful than a beautiful love...

love you and your beautiful soul.

July 9, 2009 at 1:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh so sorry for your Dad, take his hand and give him peaceful strengh and silence. Your love will help him to go blissfully. Sunny side

July 9, 2009 at 1:57 AM  
Blogger The Sice Family said...

My heart dropped when I read this. I feel so sad for you. What to do? I will have to pray for you and him to have strength, because that's all I can think of. And tell us about him. Celebrate him. We all adore our Dads and will still read your blog! I know I am no one to you really, but my thoughts are with you, if that helps. Wendy xx

July 9, 2009 at 2:17 AM  
Blogger nath said...

i'm sorry Tina, that sounds hard. sending you love and strength.

July 9, 2009 at 2:25 AM  
Blogger AliceTo said...

All my thoughts are with you. I know how difficult it can be to see our parents weak and ill.

July 9, 2009 at 2:49 AM  
Blogger Skye said...

I know the words aren't really enough to fill the hole it's already starting to leave in you but you're going to get through it. xox

July 9, 2009 at 3:00 AM  
Blogger Kiki said...

These are difficult times for you and your family. I wish you all the strength there is.
Be there for your father and for yourself, I have the feeling your father is very much loved, that is the most important thing.
Je vous souhaite bon courage.

July 9, 2009 at 4:09 AM  
Blogger TheBeautyFile said...

My thought are with you & your family in this rough time. Your love & spirit shows through all that you create.

July 9, 2009 at 4:47 AM  
Blogger laydeedancer said...

Tina, I am so sorry to hear that your father isn't well. My heart aches for you.
I just want you to know that I love this blog. It inspires me and makes me think and I look forward to it every day.
Hugs to you -

July 9, 2009 at 5:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh God, Hen, I'm so sorry!
Oh I can't imagine what you're going through're so brave!!! I'm sure you're being a great support to him!

July 9, 2009 at 5:26 AM  
Anonymous S. said...

Mostly, I want to say "do not suppress" or you will become very ill & I do know that, even if I know little else.

We first "met" when I commented on some post in the winter, right after you asked about foreign, esp. French blogs....about loss & or bad times. (Perhaps during LAT's fog...the world feeling like it was upside down, etc. You were upset about some long-time colleagues and/or a mentor leaving, I think.)

I remember writing to you that the only thing I was fairly sure we had in common, other than a writing profession, maybe a certain sensibility, was great friends -- at least one or two (the in-person/on-the-phone kind -- no offense to any of the very caring folks leaving comments, here.) And that if you have that, then you have, if not everything, the safety of knowing that if you go "crazy" for a time, you will not fall so hard that you cannot be revived.

The one thing I know, Tina, & it is still difficult on certain days to that I'm still here. Almost every day, I wonder, even if briefly, how can one be alive after events so horrific that one loses the facility with words with which one explained oneself, made a living (no small thing), that gave one a place in this world. Still working on that one, as this belabored writing will more than suggest.

I did not believe a doctor who told me: you will survive. I protested that I wanted to thrive or nothing at all. And he said, "Yes, you see, that's why I know you will...& we'll work on that. I promise you." I said I need to get back to 'willow not oak.' He knew what I meant & I'm sure you do, as well. Both types of tree are outside my window as I type this to you.

I'll unsign from blogger & just leave my initial. But if you want to know which one of the five trillion S's in the world...from DC with the devilish redheaded cat, Julie/Giulia. We send a big smooch on each cheek to you.

Coraggio, bella.

July 9, 2009 at 5:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keeping you in my thoughts...

July 9, 2009 at 5:56 AM  
Blogger erin said...

sending the warmest thoughts your way.

July 9, 2009 at 6:21 AM  
Blogger Jane Flanagan said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's something I fear and dread in my own life and I know there's nothing that can be said to console. Just know that we are here and thinking of you.

July 9, 2009 at 6:49 AM  
Blogger erinislame said...

I'm so sorry. That doesn't sound suitable for the situation, but it is, unfortunately, all I can conjure up.
Now I'm sitting here looking for a Latin phrase that will be full of wisdom, because most of them are.
So far I have:
Bona fide - in good faith
Dum spiro sero - While I breathe, I hope.
Pax vobiscum! - Peace be with you.

That's about all I could find that seemed applicable.
I hope that, despite all odds, your fathers health improves. Good luck.
Here's to life, and all it may possess.

July 9, 2009 at 6:50 AM  
Anonymous Miranda said...

You've brought so much grace and beauty into all our lives. I think everyone who has found inspiration and joy in your work here now sends you sincere wishes for strength and serenity.

July 9, 2009 at 7:21 AM  
Blogger TERI REES WANG said...

We hear you.
We are real.
We feel you.

July 9, 2009 at 8:07 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Oh Tina. I am so very sorry my dear. I know exactly what you're going through. It is so painful, I know. Please know I'm with you in spirit and sending you loads of love and hugs.

July 9, 2009 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger Janet said...

so sorry....

July 9, 2009 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger ks said...

I so like what the last person said, "we are here, we are real"--we're all here because there is something in your writing and your sensibilities that touches a chord in each of us.

Your dad is blessed to have you by his side.

I've lost both of my parents, so unfortunately I have knowledge of the fog and state of exhaustion you're in.

My only advice is to try to stay in the present, and lean on everyone who's offering a shoulder.

Don't expect yourself to be "normal" or "strong", whatever either of those mean.

It's a trauma, and you'll grow and gain empathy in ways you cannot now imagine.

You and your dad are in all our hearts.

Thanks for letting us know.

July 9, 2009 at 8:52 AM  
Blogger Ashley Yazzie said...

When my grandma May started to get sick, we all knew the impending outcome. As a family we decided early on to celebrate each moment we had with her. And so we did, each day became an added blessing and a stolen moment.

Families are eternal. I know that even after this life, you with be with your father again.


July 9, 2009 at 9:02 AM  
Blogger Brian Miller said...

thanks for the update on your dad. painful i know. hearts are with you.

July 9, 2009 at 9:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Many tight hugs and much love and prayer floated your way...

I agree with many of the online friends you have here, please take the time to honor the love that you and your family have for your father, hold his hand, be strong, and let him know it's ok to leave this realm in love and peace. That is the best gift you can give any loved one.

And also, take time to honor yourself.

I recently went through a similar process with my father, and seriously, you'd be surprised how much support and love you can get from those around you. Let them know if you need the slightest thing... true friends always rise to support.

And on that same tip, let US know if you need us!

July 9, 2009 at 9:39 AM  
Blogger cassandra @ coco+kelley said...

this breaks my heart to hear... my father is the most important presence in my life and i can't imagine what you're going through. sending you a little strength, hope, and love across the wire(less)... we're all here to support in any way we can!

July 9, 2009 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger Tina Tarnoff said...

Be strong, and be positive (even though it's hard), my lovely, things can always take a turn for the better! I'm thinking of you and your dad, and sending you good incredibly strong (!!!) health chants. Much love and much hugs. xoxo

July 9, 2009 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger Mag said...

Wow!! amazing!!

July 9, 2009 at 10:26 AM  
Blogger Maggie May said...

I"m so sorry sweetie.

July 9, 2009 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger avant garde said...

oh boy, i was hoping everything with him was on the mend. i do love the comment from terri rees wang, "we are real". just know that tons of very real people (even though we communicate through blogland) are concerned about you, your dad and your day to day getting by. if his health it deteriorating, suck him up, just literally suck up every minute, facial expression, conversation and you'll be tired for now, but have so much to store in your memory. just another real person saying hang in there girlfriend :)

July 9, 2009 at 12:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just try to keep in mind that you are in everyone's thoughts here. Were praying for you!

July 9, 2009 at 12:13 PM  
Anonymous Zephyr said...

Keep pressing onward, darling. You're no doubt doing your very best and I trust that you are either helping him to survive and get better or making his last days the best they can be. You're so strong and so beautiful!!

July 9, 2009 at 1:00 PM  
Anonymous shoppingsmycardio said...

oh dear. just because something's part of life doesn't keep it from being horrible while it's happening. keep doing your best to make happy, wonderful memories with your father, however you can. sending good thoughts your way!

July 9, 2009 at 1:08 PM  
Blogger Simply Mel said...

There are no words to heal this pain or sadness...all I can offer is a wish or two of ease and peace for the unavoidable sadness and loss. I'm sorry, life just doesn't seem fair when it tries to take those we cherish so much.

July 9, 2009 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger whatever lola wants, lola gets said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours, Tina.

July 9, 2009 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger Her name was Lola said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and yours, Tina.

July 9, 2009 at 1:24 PM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

Your picture captures the emotion of this moment perfectly. My father died in 1993 and this is exactly how I felt.

So sorry that you and your family are walking this path (((hugs to you all))). Treasure each moment - they are precious and you will never regret the time you spend with him!

Praying for you!

July 9, 2009 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger the girL said...

sending love across this vast city to wherever you are (and your dad)

July 9, 2009 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

We're thinking about your beautiful self. And your father.

July 9, 2009 at 4:21 PM  
Blogger Annabelle said...

Ohh big hugs... my heart goes out to you and your family. xo

July 9, 2009 at 5:02 PM  
Blogger Jaci said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. We had a long illness with my mom, so I know a little of what you are going through, although everyone's circumstances are so different. My thought are with you.

July 9, 2009 at 5:40 PM  
Blogger orange sugar home said...

well your post is a wonder. so glad it can provide some joy for you. blessings to your family. strength and patience....

July 9, 2009 at 5:45 PM  
Blogger Daydream Lily said...

So sorry to hear this Tina, I can't imagine what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your dad. Thank you for becoming a friend to me through blogging, I truly find your blog inspiring.

July 9, 2009 at 5:58 PM  
Blogger Amelia said...

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Thinking of you and holding you and your family up. Hang in there. **hugs**

July 9, 2009 at 6:36 PM  
Blogger jezebel said...

Very best thoughts and hopes for you and yours to find some peace in the midst of this storm.

July 9, 2009 at 8:22 PM  
Blogger Pamela Terry and Edward said...

I went through this experience with my father two years ago. It was more painful than I had dreamed it would be. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

July 9, 2009 at 9:03 PM  
Blogger Feli said...


You are in my thoughts and prayers.

July 9, 2009 at 9:28 PM  
Blogger Conversation Pieces said...

Oh I'm so so sorry to hear that. Truly am. Wish I could say something more helpful.

July 9, 2009 at 9:39 PM  
Blogger CHAT ET ESSAI said...

Sad to know that someone you like is sad... Take care of you...

July 10, 2009 at 12:31 AM  
Blogger Josephine Tale Peddler said...

I share your pain. My father is also battling a very agressive cancer. I started my Blog as a way to distract myself.
My best wishes to you and your family.xx

July 10, 2009 at 1:05 AM  
Blogger cgw @ accidentally, kle said...

I'm so very sorry to read that. I can only wish you peace and comfort to deal with this difficult time. Enjoy him as much as you can x

July 10, 2009 at 1:14 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

Sorry to read your Dad is still ill. You are in my thoughts

July 10, 2009 at 3:42 AM  
Blogger Joanna Goddard said...

oh, i'm so, so sorry to hear that, tina. i'm thinking of you and sending you all good wishes. i hope he's comfortable, and he must love having you there.

July 10, 2009 at 7:02 AM  
Anonymous automatism said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, Tina. Stay strong, focus on the love, and you will make it through. In the meantime, I'm sending loads of positive vibes your way ...


July 10, 2009 at 7:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

... I'm sorry to hear your news Tina, take care.

July 10, 2009 at 9:54 AM  
Blogger eva ravenstein said...

it sounds like he is lucky to have such a talented and caring daughter and he's probably very proud of you. it doesn't make it any easier, but i'm sending good thoughts your way!

July 10, 2009 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger *Sandra* said...

I will keep your dad in my thoughts and prayers. It was 13 years, last week, since my dad died, but I think of him often... but now with a smile instead of a tear.

July 10, 2009 at 8:06 PM  
Blogger Rita Finn said...

My father has been progressively sicker for a number of years as well. I also have difficulty talking about it. When I was little, I thought he was the strongest man in the world and could do anything. It hurts to admit that isn't true. My heart goes out to you as you struggle with this reality.

July 10, 2009 at 8:09 PM  
Blogger Hayley said...

i am so sorry ):
just hang in there, and keep going strong (:

July 11, 2009 at 8:14 AM  
Blogger virginia said...

"i'm exhausted in a way that no amount of sleep can fix."

i've been there, and that is the most accurate and truest sentence, ever. you end up living in the past, and the present, and the future...all at once, in the same breath.

July 12, 2009 at 5:56 PM  
Blogger Kerri Lynne said...

i can relate to the exhaustion that you're feeling. this is something terribly difficult to get through, and though it doesn't feel like it now, you will get through it. just hang in there.

i know there is not much to say to make it any easier, but i will keep him in my thoughts & prayers.

July 13, 2009 at 7:58 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home