It's raining tonight in Los Angeles and I'm trying to keep my spirits up. I snapped a few pictures of my latest decor finds: A 1950s ashtray, a colorful vintage Balinese screen, a black and white poster of a grandfather clock (with an actual clock that runs on a AA battery), more books to stuff into my giant pine armoire.
Decorating our new apartment has become my respite. Maybe it's because it's the one area of my life that I can control. I know this is going to sound very dreary, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by uncertainty and sorrow. Not exactly good fodder for an inspiration blog, that's for sure.
Last summer, my dad was diagnosed as having a serious bone marrow disease. (I took some time off work to take care of him. Even though I now believe it made me an easy layoff target, I would not trade the time I spent with him for the world.)
This week doctors confirmed what we've feared for several weeks: my father now has leukemia and the prognosis is not good. He is skin and bones.
One of my well-meaning blogger friends sent me a long email this week lecturing me about my low morale. Yes, my morale is bad. This is my year of loss, I guess.
So I have a request: Does anyone out there want to guest blog here for a few weeks while I sort things out? Email me if you do :) Posts with photos of funky flea market finds are always welcome here...
UPDATE: My friend Liss at the gorgeous blog Daydream Lily has generously offered to keep things running here at the English Muse. Liss (who has been nominated for a 2010 Cosmo Woman of the Year award!) will be posting, with occasional cameos from other talented bloggers. Thank you so much for helping me out during this very difficult time! I love you. Tina
Hello everyone! I've been enjoying this evening looking at the flickr photos coming out of Europe on the volcano eruption in Iceland. This one, taken by mark1alpha on Chesil Beach in Portland, UK, is one of my favorites, with the ash turning the sunset red. Flickr has a blog post of other gorgeous volcanic sunset photos here. Lovely how the sun seems especially jumbo sized.
I took my friend Elaine to LAX last night for her flight back to Paris, where she lives half of the year. I was so happy to learn this morning that she safely made it home before they shutdown the airports.
An important PS:
Thank you all for your thoughtful, touching comments on my Isabella post earlier this week! Bella was so heartened to read them. They gave her a boost of confidence like you wouldn't believe. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you all virtual hugs. Thank you, thank you!
I was so happy today to discover this young vine growing next to our new flat!
Here are a few snapshots at our flat on this rainy morning:
White linens, a tattered paisley-covered club chair, books inside a Chinese chest, a large jewelry box (with a reflection of our cat Kali in one of the mirrors), a stool covered with an old suzani.
I'm listening to the rain on the roof. It's pouring here! It's a nice day to stay in. I'm in decorating mode and re-reading all my old Dominos. BTW, I heard a rumor last week that the former editor of Domino is in discussions with one of the Huffington Post financiers to start a Dominoesque website. Wouldn't that be divine?
PS: UPDATE on my dog training efforts
I've discovered that pounding two escargot pans together helps stop the barking. I couldn't bring myself to throw around the Calphalon.
I know this little dog looks very innocent in this picture, but she's a fierce beast. How long does it take to housebreak a Pomeranian (never?). And what about the ankle biting?
Any advice would be much appreciated!
Our two cats emerged this week from under the couch...
They immediately took up residence on the windowsills. They seem to be recovering from our move. I am too.
There's only one way to fight these house blues: Decorate. I'm putting most of my rustic pine furniture from the old house on consignment. Tomorrow I'm starting my quest for new things for our new abode!
We learned today from our real estate agent that we have ten offers on our house! Almost all of them are above our asking price. The offers arrived with the loveliest, heartfelt letters. There were so many kind comments about the garden from the sweetest people imaginable.
I spent most of the weekend on the couch with a box of tissues feeling such a profound sense of loss. I was semi-prepared for my layoff. After so many of my dear colleagues had lost their jobs before me, I had vowed to only keep at my desk what could be packed in five minutes. Nothing, however, could have prepared me for the realization that we could no longer keep the house.
I am heartened tonight knowing that the house will soon be owned by a family who loves it as much as we do.
Dominique Browning, the former editor of House & Garden, wrote so beautifully in today's New York Times Magazine about her struggle to rebuild her life after Conde Nast closed the magazine in 2007. I've read a lot of layoff stories since I lost my job at the Los Angeles Times in October, but Browning's captures the pain and devastation most eloquently.
She writes: "Just because something failed doesn't mean you're a failure. Just because something has ended doesn't mean it was all a mistake. Just because you've been rejected doesn't mean you're worthless and unlovable."
I know I've been talking a lot these days about my layoff. It's weighting especially heavy on my mind because -- like Browning -- we're selling our house to start anew. This is how it goes: first you lose the job and then you lose the life.
I'm not exactly sure how my new life is going to shake out. It will be different -- and maybe even better.
It's official: our little Tudor style house is on the market.
If anyone out there is looking for a very cute place in Pasadena, maybe this is the house for you.
I would like to write a missive here about my layoff....I'm just going to say this: We spent nearly 12 happy years in this house. I'll miss the roses and the clawfoot tub.
Life goes on...
